


The Breakout

by masulevin



Series: who's gonna save us now / when ashes hit the ground [3]
Category: Far Cry: New Dawn
Genre: Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Demisexuality, Drinking, F/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Relationship, Swearing, Unreliable Narrator, because she can't interpret his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 13:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20640122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masulevin/pseuds/masulevin
Summary: Security Captain Riley finally rescues Rush from the Twins for the first time, but seeing him again just brings up feelings and worries she doesn't know how to handle.This feels new and heavy and intimate, like all the times she’s yanked him out of the fire have been building something she hasn’t felt for anyone ever, like maybe if he tugged her closer for a kiss she’d be okay with it, enjoy it even.





	The Breakout

**Author's Note:**

> Riley is asexual, on the line between demi and gray, and I tried to handle that with care. If you want to talk about that, my [tumblr is always open](http://ma-sulevin.tumblr.com/).

The dead body at the base of the ladder is… concerning. Riley just stares at it for longer than she intends, at the blood still seeping from the back of the skull where it cracked against the rocks, then leans down to check its pulse. She doesn’t find one, but she’s definitely not the person who killed it. There’s a trail of dead bodies leading from the outside of the mine and into the tunnels that _ are _ her responsibility, but this one came from above.

She takes a steadying breath and climbs the ladder. She moves as slow as she dares, hand over hand, staring up at the ceiling as it gets closer, straining to hear what’s happening above over how loud her breathing has become, and just… climbs.

This is her job. She’s dedicated her whole adult life to following Rush from town to town, keeping him safe and helping people rebuild what they lost after the bombs. She remembers what was, barely, remembers smartphones and social media and shampoo designed specific for her hair -- but she wouldn’t go back to all that if it meant giving up Rush.

And she’s sure as hell not going to lose Rush now.

She can hear the fighting before she pops her head over the top of the ladder, stays low as she crawls behind the cupboard, then…

She pops upright, the knife Rush gave her ready in her right hand. He’s already free; the fighting noises she heard weren’t fighting at all, they were him wailing on his captor with a crowbar. 

He looks up when he sees her in her peripheral vision, arms lifting to attack, then he relaxes with a slump of his shoulders. “Jesus! God, I thought you were dead.” He drops the crowbar and kneels down, looping his bound hands around the Highwaymen’s neck and using the zip tie handcuffs to strangle him. “I should’ve known you’d come through.”

There are tears in her eyes, and she blinks hard to get rid of them. She’s never felt so relieved in all her goddamn life. 

“You came back for me.” The Highwaymen makes one last noise as he dies, then Rush is dropping him to the bloody floor and standing up, moving closer, and she has her knife up to cut through the plastic on his wrists before she knows she’s moving. “You crazy son of a bitch, you came back for me.”

“You’re okay. You’re okay?” She holds him still with her fingers wrapped around his wrist and tucks the knife into its sheath at her thigh. As soon as the blade is safely put away, her free hand is on his cheek, on his jaw, thumb brushing over dirt and blood and bruises, eyes taking stock of every sign of harm she can see through her re-gathering tears.

“Leg hurts like a bitch, but I’m fine.” He catches her wandering hand in his, pulls it so tight to his chest she can feel his heart beating through his jacket. “Hey. You did good, Cap.”

He reinforces his point by cupping her jaw, long fingers wrapping around the back of her neck while his thumb presses by her ear. The touch is grounding, lets that constant coil of anxiety that’s followed her since Rush pushed her off that cliff relax, and she tries to meet his gaze with a smile, but…

Oh.

This feels new and heavy and intimate, like all the times she’s yanked him out of the fire have been building something she hasn’t felt for anyone ever, like maybe if he tugged her closer for a kiss she’d be okay with it, _enjoy _it even.

_ Oh. _

Rush shakes her a little, grounding her, pulling her back to the moment, and it takes her another heartbeat to realize he’s taking advantage of her silence by looking her over to make sure she’s okay, like _she _was the one kidnapped and forced to work in a coal mine.

She inhales sharply and gets ready to push him away, build that wall up that started breaking down when he pushed her off that cliff, but there’s a crash from somewhere outside and Rush’s attention snaps that direction. His fingers go slack against her skin and she steps away, starts to pull her pistol out of its holster, then he’s glancing back at her with his trademark stoic expression, though she can see the tinge of panic around the edges.

“We need to go.” When she doesn’t move right away, he prompts her again with a harsh, “Now!”

She jumps into action, following him as he climbs into a modified motorcycle, one with a little trailer and mounted turret gun, following his directions and climbing into the back to man the gun. This puts her in the most danger; she doesn’t care. She’d rather be back here than Rush be in another second of danger, and she’s not going to think about why that is beyond it being her job.

And, yeah, she does her job, and she does it well, killing so many Highwaymen that she loses track as Rush navigates Hope County’s rolling hills. One truck even explodes, and she’s pretty sure a piece of metal lands on her cheek, but she can’t be sure when her adrenaline is running so high. By the time Rush stops, she’s sweated through her undershirt and her hand has a cramp in it from pulling the trigger on the mounted gun, but she still helps him into the back and climbs into the driver’s seat without complaint. He doesn’t need to hear it.

Kim is overjoyed when Riley radios ahead to let her know they’re on the way; Carmina made it back more than an hour ago, and they’ve been waiting to hear an update ever since. The fact that Riley _and_ Rush are heading to Prosperity is something to celebrate, and Riley agrees.

The cheers when they pull up might be a bit much, but Riley won’t argue with the help that comes pouring out of the gates to help support Rush as he stumbles away from the mounted gun and limps toward Prosperity’s gates on a hip she’s sure is dislocated. She’s exhausted, energy drained, her face stinging where that piece of metal _definitely_ landed and burned her skin. Just one more scar to add to the list, one more gained in defense of Rush.

She decides not to tell him.

She _is_, however, shaking pretty hard by the time Carmina comes back with an old bottle of whiskey for Rush to drink before they reset his hip, fucking _trembling _noticeably enough that Rush actually passes the bottle to her after he takes his first swallow.

Okay, well, she’s not going to argue with that, especially when the whiskey goes down smoother than anything she’s had before and when passing the bottle back and forth, their fingers brushing together each time, makes something in her chest pinch tight. 

Carmina steadies his shoulders as Kim pushes his leg back into socket, and Riley just kneels in the dirt helplessly. She _can _perform first aid, she’s even pretty good at it, but she can’t stop shaking and now the whiskey is just sort of sitting in her stomach and making it _burn_ and she’s going to be absolutely useless until she can fucking relax.

Rush howls and leaps to his feet when his joint is set, limping several paces away with all three women chasing him before he calms down, even then he tries to _ keep going, _ like he’s going to be able to plan anything on however much sleep he’s gotten in the days since the train crashed, but Carmina is there to rein him in before Riley has even started trying to blink the tears from her eyes.

“Hey, come on, man. I’ll show you where you can clean up and get something to eat. Okay?” She grabs Rush by the elbow and he leans into her without even a second of hesitation like he hadn’t just been ready to go at 100, leans against her with his injured side so that she slips her arm around his waist without even thinking about it.

If he notices she’s still shaking, he doesn’t mention it. He doesn’t speak at all, just grunts as they make their way slowly to the communal bathroom where Rush will be able to sit down and wash off days’ worth of dirt and sweat and blood.

It’s a pretty standard setup, not all that different from what they’ve seen in the dozens of other settlements they’ve been to over the west coast, and she eases him down onto a low bench designed to hold towels and clean clothes. Prosperity has a working pump system; he’ll be able to clean himself up from here.

“I’ll go find you some clothes,” she says, and she turns away before he has a chance to say anything. 

He grabs her wrist.

“Hey.” She stops, cocks her head to listen, doesn’t turn to face him. “You did good today. I wouldn’t have made it out alive if you hadn’t shown up when you did.”

She turns to face him, and the movement pulls at his grasp until his fingers are on hers. He squeezes gently when she meets his gaze. She draws in a deep breath before she says, “You know I always have your back.”

He blinks at her, then his mouth is curving into a smile as he chuckles and drops her hand. “It’s why I keep you around.”

Her smile is thin. “I’ll come back in a bit. Do you need anything else?”

“Nah. Some food, maybe?” He starts unzipping his jacket, the little keychain Mila made him swaying with the movement. She stares at it for a second, pleased despite everything that the Twins left it alone, and then she nods.

“Yeah, sure.” 

She pulls the door closed behind her and makes it halfway to the canteen when the world twists around her. She chokes off a sob and veers off course, heading for the abandoned garage behind Roger’s helipad. She knows the door’s unlocked because she’s seen the oldest Boshaw kid running in here to hide from the younger ones, and as long as she doesn’t run into him before she finds a corner to sit in, it’ll be okay.

Roger calls out to her when she brushes past him, but she doesn’t stop moving until the semi-darkness of the garage envelops her. She has enough energy left in her to make it to the bottom of the stairs and then she sits hard and curls in on herself, burying her face in her arms as she openly sobs.

This is an overreaction. She _knows_ it’s an overreaction, but she can’t stop it, can’t hold the tears back for one more second. This isn’t the first time she’s saved Rush’s life, but it’s the first time he’s been away from her guard for so long since she became the Captain, the first time she really felt like she _failed. _

He saved _her_ life pushing her off that fucking cliff. It should have been the other way around, it should have been her saving him, her the one at the Twins’ mercy if it should have been either of them. 

God, she can still see his face, she can feel the pressure of his fingers when he pushed her, the sickening feeling of falling and not knowing where she would land or if he would survive the next few seconds.

“Hey, Riley, Captain, you’re okay.”

A woman’s voice makes its way through Riley’s sobs, but she can’t bring herself to catch her breath or to even recognize who’s speaking to her. Someone grabs for her hand and she pulls away with a higher-pitched wail, and the offending fingers disappear. 

“You’re okay,” the voice says again, quieter but no farther away. “You’re in Prosperity, in Hope County, Montana. You’re safe, Rush is safe, you brought him back.” A pause, then, “Can you hear me?”

Riley nods into her arms. 

“Okay. I’m going to count, and you’re going to try to match your breathing to it, okay? Can you breathe in for me? One, two, three…”

Riley breathes along with the voice, does the best she can until her sobs calm into hiccups and she can mostly breathe in and out and sit up to recognize the woman kneeling on the floor in front of her as Mattie, mom of the Boshaw kids and Prosperity staple.

If anyone had to see her like this, Mattie’s probably the best option.

Riley hiccups again and wipes at her face with her sleeves. “Sorry.”

Mattie smiles. “Roger said you came in here, asked me to check on you. Wanna talk about it?”

Riley starts to nod but changes her mind just a second later. “I have to get back to Rush.”

“I didn’t realize you two were together.” Mattie’s not making a move to stand, and Riley doesn’t either, just props her elbows on her knees and sighs.

She doesn’t want Rush to know she’s been crying anyway.

“We’re not.” Mattie blinks like she doesn’t believe her, so she adds, “I’ve just known him for ten years. We’re close, but it’s not… like _that. _ Not, I mean, I didn’t think it was.” She draws in a harsh breath, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes again, the panic starting to come back.

“How did you meet?” Mattie’s voice is loud, purposefully so, and Riley’s distracted for just long enough that her panic dwindles just a bit.

She rubs at her face again. “He came through our town in southern California. I’d been there with my parents since the bombs fell; he set it up so it was more independent, better off.” Talking about this aspect of her relationship with Rush is familiar, soothing, so she just… keeps going when Mattie doesn’t interrupt. “We were doing okay, before, but he really took the time to get to know all of us and he spent weeks helping us build up and plan. By the time he felt like they could move on, we had a defensible perimeter, regular trade with a nearby settlement, irrigation, better gardens. My parents just worshipped the ground he walked on. They didn’t even argue when I wanted to sign up and go with them, so I did, and I haven’t really looked back. We’ve been all up and around the west coast. We sort of thought Hope County would be a good foothold to move east.”

“He sounds like a good man.”

“He is. He’s the best man I know.” She’s sure of that, more than she is of anything else.

“Working together like that really makes a strong bond,” Mattie says, voice gentle. She moves from where she’s kneeling on the floor to sit on the step next to Riley. Their shoulders bump together, and Riley lets it happen. Mattie’s a toucher, and it doesn’t bother her so much now that she’s not hyperventilating. “You love him, you were worried about him, and it all hit you at once when it was safe to let go.”

Actually, now that she’s thinking about it, this is nicer than sitting up by herself. She lets herself lean into the heat of Mattie’s body, rests her head on her shoulder, lets the contact bolster her into saying, “I’ve never, like… I’ve never wanted anyone before. Not like people talk about.”

Mattie makes a little humming noise like she gets it, but Riley’s never met anyone who got it.

“I guess I thought I never would? And maybe if I met someone like me, it would be okay, because everyone else in the Company talks about sex like it’s something they’ll die if they’re not getting, but I’ve just never been interested.” She pauses, considering, chewing on her bottom lip while she thinks about how thirty-two years of her life have led her to this moment, basically cuddling with someone she’s supposed to be protecting while she talks about her lack of sexual attraction to anyone other than her boss.

Her goddamn _boss_.

“But you want him now?”

“Dunno. Maybe.” She shrugs a little against Mattie’s side. Mattie sways with the movement then bumps back into her. It’s comforting, like having a sister might feel if she’d been so lucky. 

Maybe she’s lucky _now. _

“Listen, you should probably talk all this out with Rush. I dated a guy for a while who was ace-spec, and it wasn’t all that different from dating anybody else. We just had to talk about it more. If you’re in love with him, you don’t want anything to happen to either of you before you let him know.”

There’s a word in there Riley doesn’t really understand, and it feels like the whole crux of the conversation hinges on that. She can puzzle out what it means to love Rush vs. to _ be in _ love with Rush later, maybe talk to Kim about it instead so Mattie doesn’t think she’s totally hopeless, but right now: “Ace-spec?”

Mattie twirls a simple band around on her left ring finger. “God, sometimes I forget how old I am. I was a whole-ass adult before the bombs fell. There’s been enough time since then for the bunker babies to be adults too.” She pauses, and Riley waits while she shakes off whatever’s just come over her. “There are a _ bunch _ of words to explain types of sexual attraction. I’m bisexual, so I’m attracted to people of multiple genders. It sounds like you’re asexual, but that’s not cut and dry, it’s a spectrum, so: ace-spec, includes aromantics too, but it doesn’t sound like that describes you, just the asexual part.”

The name triggers something in Riley’s foggy memory of pre-war times, of googling things late at night in an incognito browser to figure out why she felt like she did.

“_Oh._” God, finding a word for it is… indescribable. 

“Yeah. Rush might know what it means; it didn’t look like he’s that much younger than me.”

“He’s thirty-nine.”

Silence falls between them, but it’s a comfortable one. Riley’s still puzzling through everything, but in the wake of her panic attack, she’s absolutely exhausted. All she really wants to do is go to bed, but first she needs to take a bath, and--

“Shit.” She jumps to her feet and Mattie lets her go, though the concern is clear on her face. “I told him I’d bring him clothes and dinner.”

Mattie’s concern melts away and is replaced by a warm smile and a muffled laugh. “Kim will know where you can find both.”

Her muscles protest when she starts to jog back towards the main house, but she manages to shout out a “Thanks!” over her shoulder at Mattie’s amused form. 

This isn’t what she needs right now, but it’s what she wants. She wants the routine of taking care of Rush, even if it looks different today than it does usually; she wants the comfort of having tasks to do so she doesn’t have it sit and be alone with her thoughts.

She’ll have to figure this out soon, like Mattie says, before something happens to one of them. They’ve both had too many close calls since Carmina found them.

Right now, though? Right now she just needs to find Kim.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry. Rush was sound asleep when she finally made it back.


End file.
